


We both know it isn't time...

by Talvi



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Explicit Language, Falling In Love, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Tommy's pov, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvi/pseuds/Talvi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glam Nation tour times.</p><p>Tommy has feelings for Adam. And mh... how can he talk about them? </p><p>Just a small story of Tommy's feelings for this singer. And the way he tries to deal with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sometimes I hate him

Damn him, damn him stupid glam singer. Oh fucking god how much I hate him sometimes. Well, how much I hate myself actually, for feeling this way. Once someone told me I look like a slut on stage playing bass for him, yeah, it was a really good friend. Otherwise I would kick him for calling me that. But hey, I wasn’t just a cheap slut on stage. I was a first class whore, and not for anyone, but for one man. Just for one, and everyone knew that. Now I was there, standing on stage, playing, and looking at him. 

He, the singer, the voice, the name, the face. I hate so much the way he smiles happily when he hears the crowd calling his name, but I hate more the smirk on his face when Fever plays and he looks at me with lust, his face inches away from mine. I hate it because the way it makes me feel. I hate the shivers that it sends down my spine. I hate the lust burning inside me. And I hate not being able to jump on top of him and take those clothes off. And take him. And have him just for me.

 

Now, and I also hate this part, yes I say I’m straight. Well, I am, don’t get me wrong. Do you know how many times I’ve been told “You can’t be straight! You go around kissing a man!” and all that shit. Usually I just laugh about it cause I don’t fucking care, but sometimes, I swear I want to punch them. Like, it’s my life, ok? I mean, of course, your whole life you feel attracted to certain type of people, but maybe suddenly someone appears, someone that is not at all your type, and well you can’t control that, you really can’t sometimes, you just feel completely attracted to one person and nothing else matters, like you just wanna be close to that person all the time, close to those eyes, to that smile, you want to feel their voice calling your name, and their hands on yours. Well, that’s exactly how I feel for this particular singer. I just can’t control it. And I don’t even want to try. I like him and I don’t care what everyone says.

 

I hate myself when I lay down on my bed at night, close my eyes and imagine him, there with me, and I pretend my hands are his hands, even though they’re so different. But oh god, what it would be like feeling his hands on me? What would be the look on his face while he’s taking off my clothes? How would he behave in bed? Then I have to stop those thoughts in my head, because they just make everything worst.

I don’t even control myself anymore. I can’t. When he started to grab me, touch me and… kiss me on stage at first it was a game, but when things got more serious, well, when my feelings got more serious, everything changed. Now every little touch was so different. And even during rehearsal, he sometimes grabs me and I just feel like dying. Dying because I desperately want more. And I don’t even know how to tell him without feeling like an idiot. I’ve been told by a friend (yeah, the same friend who calls me an on-stage slut) that he can see right through me, that he will be good about my feelings, that he does feel the same. And here’s where everything gets even more complicated. Come on! How can that be possible? Just thinking about it right now makes me sick.

Do you know how many times I had seen him at clubs flirting with every guy who looked good? I swear, and he did it in front of me. And I was there, just trying to focus and he even comes by and he wants to introduce me to a girl, who seemed just “perfect” for me, and I’m there and I just wanna scream and take his hand and take him out of there. And I can’t even concentrate on any girl cause I see him on the dance floor, dance-fucking with a blonde guy he met just 5 minutes ago, their hips moving against each other. And then I hear “But you realize that this new guy looks just like you, Tommy?” and it’s my friend and he knows that that will make me blush, cause I didn’t noticed about that, and yes, he’s right, but then, why will this singer look out for someone who looks exactly like me? And then, I don’t wanna become vain, but what? Am I not good looking enough? Am I not gay-good looking enough? And yes, then I remember I haven’t ever even said a word to him about this, and that he can not read my mind. Oh, how much I wish he could, it would just make all of this a lot easier.

So he comes at me during rehearsal. The guitar starts playing Fever and he approaches, like if we even need to rehearse this part too. Well, I’m not fucking complaining. I would rehearse the nights of our honey moon if he asks me. He puts a hand on my cheek and I’m fucking ready just to throw away my bass and clothes. But hey, he just leaves a peck on my lips and walks away. And I’m blushing, I fucking know that I am. 

I swear I fucking hate him sometimes. I swear I hate myself for feeling this way. And I hate it more that I can’t even speak a word of this out loud.


	2. Improvising

Once I was sitting on the couch on the tour bus during a break we had, I was playing guitar, nothing in particular, just improvising, which is what I like the most to relax, and Adam came, smiled and sat next to me. I think I blushed a bit, mostly because he wasn't wearing anything glam or fashion, just a white t-shirt and black shorts, and when he's like that, all looking so natural, it reminds me of my first morning on tour and the sweet smile he gave me during that first breakfast together. 

.

I know it sounds stupid maybe, but since that first morning I felt like I belonged there, with him, the band, like if I were waiting for that my whole life. That smile meant that I was accepted, exactly the way I was, even with the hair all messed up. 

.

Anyway, now whenever I have some time to relax, I sit down and improvise in the guitar, and though I like to have my own "Tommy Time", when Adam comes by my side and just sit there listening to me I always smile. Because he doesn't even bothers me, he just stays there in silence, listening, with his eyes closed... and sharing that moment with him for me is so.. intimate.

.

Sometimes he likes to touch my hair while I'm improvising. And his fingers send shivers down my spine. And I heard him humming along with the guitar. Sometimes he caresses my shoulders, or he taps my back in rhythm with the music.  
.

I like to think those moments are important for him.

.

I like to think that our friendship means something more.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any mistakes/typos :P


	3. Tell him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter.

I have been told that I have to tell him. That I have to tell Adam about my feelings before it's too late. Well, that was before, when there was even a chance, when I was his boy, when I was everything he had in mind during rehearsal or during a concert. And it's stupid, and I fucking hate it but now IT IS too late and there's nothing I can do about it. 

.

"Say it." said my friend over and over again "say it and let him decide what to do. don't be scared, he won't freak out or anything like that" and I never listened "honestly Tommy, he will find someone else."

.

Shut up, shut up shut up, suth the fuck up. Please. I can't think of it right now. Not while I see Adam with someone else. And this is not just a random guy he found in a bar. No, this is for real, and they had been on dates. And I'm a complete idiot. Please don¡t say it out loud, I already know it.

.

"I told you" Shut up. "If you had told him, you would be that guy." shut up "You had a lot of chances, Tommy. "

"SHUT UP!" I yell finally and I know I scared him but this hurts way too much and there's nothing else I can do. I wanna punch someon, I wanna drink, a parte of me just wants to leave and never come back.

.

And I go out by myself. And I drink. I drink too much. I start a fight and the cops have to take me. and guess who goes to take me out of jail? Adam. Of course. And I wanna cry and I wanna scream and I wanna run to him and hug him. And I do it, and I hug him so tight so he can never let go, but eveentually he does and just smiles at me. And he drives me home. And makes coffee for me. And touches my hair while we watch TV. And of course he gets a call. And it's him. And Adam has to leave now and I stay by myself. I said I would be ok, but after today I don't know anymore.

.

"Tommy, how are you?"  
"Tommy what happened last night? Adam said he had to take you out of jail"  
"Would you please reply my text?"  
"Ok, this is it, I'm going to your place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why this ended this way. honestly, it wasn't the idea. and I truly love Sauli, and i loved their relationship with Adam, but... I'm sorry to make you the bad guy in here Sauli dear.

**Author's Note:**

> I think there's left maybe one or two more chapters. And maybe I will make a small sex scene :) yay


End file.
